Stop letting your job define you
My new manager looked grim. I’d only started the job 2 days ago, and all she could say was, “I’m so sorry, but I don’t think you’re the right fit. You will find something more suited to your strengths.”
I should thank her now because that accounting job was not my dream job and was never going to be. But I still took getting fired after 48 hours as a huge blow to my pride and self-worth.
I flitted between anxiety and depression for months after that.
It’s been 5 years since that happened, and there have been many jobs since then. Dream jobs that WERE actually suited to my strengths.
But even in those, I’ve had great, bad, and atrocious days.
And there’s an important lesson here: A job is just that. A job. It’s a means to earn an income — it’s not a reflection of your life or personality.
Have you experienced something similar in your career, where you’ve felt that your entire existence depended on work? Share it in the comments.
Something I dreaded in the past came up a few mornings ago — a small issue, but one that would’ve made the old me spiral into self-hate. I’d added the wrong thumbnail to a client’s YouTube video, and the video had gone live.
For background, I work as a Content Operations Manager at a small YouTube agency. And it’s part of my job to focus on the details of a video, thumbnails being one of them.
Now, this is an easy fix: switch the thumbnail out quickly. The video had gone live 20 minutes ago, so very few people would’ve noticed.
To most, this sounds like an insignificant issue in the broader scheme of life. There are wars, water shortages, and starvation to worry about, for Christ’s sake.
But for me, this kind of thing is hard to swallow. I’ve always been graceful when accepting feedback, but deep down, I’d take things personally and feel unqualified for the job.
This time, though, I’d felt the changes in me. Instead of berating myself, I acknowledged the error, apologised to the client, and made a note to always double-check thumbnails.
Mistakes are only human, and we can’t be cutting ourselves up over them. But we can do the grown-up thing and apologise, improve, fix, and move on. I’m done measuring my value based on a bad day at work.
On further introspection of why work had such a hold over me, I realised that it’s been my longest relationship. Seriously, I’ve been single for a decade.
So over the years, I let work control my life. I adopted my work status and made it my life status.
I sought personal validation from work.
I would only feel smart when my employer showered me with praise. Or I’d get depressed if I felt like I disappointed them. And god forbid, I ended up unemployed, then I turned downright suicidal.
This is such an unhealthy way of thinking. It’s like being in a toxic relationship. You’re always on edge, never knowing what to expect, and letting someone else control your sense of worth.
But we all exist outside of our careers (and relationships).
If you have a bad day at work or an embarrassing one, it’s not a reflection of you as a person. You’re still whole. You’re smart. And you’ve got this.
A condescending stare in a meeting or a retrenchment letter isn’t going to change that.
My mum’s been a teacher for 39 years of her life; she spent the majority of those years at the same school. Sadly, she’s made “teaching” her entire identity.
If an ill-disposed teenager said something nasty, my mum would fixate on that during dinner. Or if the principal made a shady comment, she’d get upset and let it ruin her day.
Then, there’s my dad, who has changed jobs so many times, worked in different industries, doesn’t have a fancy job title, and doesn’t talk about work at all.
As long as the bills are paid, he’s satisfied. He listens to music every night, has wine every weekend, and is happy on a Sunday.
Guess who’s the less stressed-out parent? Yes, you’re right — My dad. He learned early that your job does not define you.
As of next year, my mum will no longer be a teacher because she’s retiring. Does that mean she ceases to exist? She’s lost her identity or needs a new one? Of course not.
We are more than work.
And life is beautifully abundant. It offers us so many opportunities to grow, explore, love, and learn. But we’re all so confined to our desks and Slack messages.
Do your best at your job, but remember that it’s a way to earn money so you can live the life you want.
Build something that you own on the side. That’s why I started this blog to share my reflections and eventually start my dream business.
